Birds of a feather, eh?

I try not to be a negative person [this is a disclaimer notifying you that this blog may become a bit of a rant].

I try to be polite and kind and smile and laugh and all that good stuff in order to avoid the hurting of feelings that would come if I said the things that were on my mind.

However, the people in this sad little fish tank get on my nerves. They are melodramatic, hypocritical, disingenuous, petty, self-centered, and completely uninspiring. There are some specific people, but I'm going to leave this very general because people, in general, do actually annoy me on a regular.  You cannot expect me to drop everything to listen to you rant and complain about some bullshit that really does not concern or involve me. My response to these sorts of conversations is typical, I shrug, shake my head, and say, "I don't know..." while thinking, "I honestly don't fucking care." I find myself bored hanging out with them. My mind goes off on random tangents in the middle of their self-absorbed conversations.

They do not give me life of any sort. Not that anyone's job is to entertain me, but if I leave a conversation with you feeling more exhausted than I was before you opened your mouth... we have a problem.

And I feel like I'm too nice of a person to stop them mid-conversation and tell them to shut up, or confess to them that they are boring me to tears. Sometimes, you can see it on my face [I haven't learned how to pretend to be intrigued]. Sometimes, I'll get up and walk away, excusing myself to the restroom or to class, while thinking, "How the hell did I become 'friends' with this person?" Yes, I know that they say that birds of a feather flock together... but if you know me, you should know that I don't really 'flock'. It's not my thing. I'm more of a solitary bird, operating on my own flight plan.

If you speak to me and I am dry as stale bread, take that as a sign - I don't care to 'flock' or 'fuck' with you. If I'm not making eye contact, barely smiling, and the only words you hear are "hhmm", "yeah", "sure", and/or "I don't know..." take that as a sign. If I'm not texting you or calling you to hang out, take that as a sign. If I never acknowledge that I've had a good time with you, take that as a sign. I'm a naturally animated individual that loves to laugh and clown and be silly, but if I'm none of these things when I'm around you... it's either because you make me very uncomfortable (which is my issue entirely), or I just don't care to invest the energy... not with you.

I'm bored and I'm annoyed. Mind you, I'm not bored with my life... just bored with some of the people who I feel an obligation to be kind and friendly to when I see them.

And I'm too damn nice to tell you this to your face. I wish I was more ballsy, but unfortunately, I'm just a shady queen with passive aggressive tendencies, so this is me doing my best. Besides, writing is my medium of choice when it comes to expression.

This is why "the grind" is essential to my happiness. When I'm working, I don't have the time or mental space for this shit.

And for my friends who give me life on a regular, I love you immensely. But I'm sure you know this because I've already told you so. Cheers.